M-I-A..305..Dade County Stand Up!

I guess online dating is the new thing. Why hone your social skills when you can stalk people while masturbating at your computer desk.

I recently reactivated my online stalking account, and again have become victim to a vast SEA of online losers.

Maybe loser isn’t the best way to describe miaflman1 who writes (and so eloquently I must add):

hmm so r u sexy and i hope u dont wear bads lol…yeah i put in work and im good at it when i do. i could go on and on but u may not can handle what i have to offer…so what time is ur curfew and when could u get away? u look like u may have a nice ass lol but hmmm dont know lmao

There’s a lot going on in this message. Grammatically, I’m offended but what struck me as inappropriate was him stating that I LOOK like I have a nice ass but he’s not sure.

Exactly what does that mean? Like, is that a challenge? Am I supposed to meet him at Starbucks, go to his crib, and show him how nice my ass actually is?

And let us not forget, “i hope you dont wear bads lol”. As I said, grammatical errors aside, it’s just plain lazy to not capitalize “I”…and “dont”…like you have to work real hard to escape the apostrophe. Literally, I have to correctly spell the word then press delete then retype it in order to fuck it up. Maybe Apple strives to ensure its users don’t offend other online prey, but its quite obvious dude needs to upgrade his computer/phone/internet browser ASAmuthfuckin’P

So after getting over that, I’m like bads *blank stare*.

WTF?

Does he mean bad or B.A.D.? I’m not so sure, and based on his disregard for spell check I’m questioning whether he’s asking me if I wear pads which is beyond inappropriate. Thank God I passed the fifth grade and can guess based on the context of his previous grammatical errors that he’s hoping I don’t wear big ass drawers. Again, *blank stare*.

Then the negro has the nerve to tell me I can’t handle anymore of his fucked up typing skills…oh wait, I mean handle his dick. No motherfucka I “may not can handle” what you have to offer because obviously you ain’t offering shit that I can understand. If you’re too lazy to read over your seductive message then I’m sure you fuck like a lazy piece of shit or probably can’t get your lazy dick hard!

WTF?

Is that how we do in Dade County? We challenge a woman’s skills, looks, and sexual experience in order to convince her that capitalization and commas are never important even though the only thing I can base your level of intellect on thus far (since hey buddy this is online) are your messages that I’m forced to copy and paste into Word, click spell check, and proceed from there.

My home girl told me to calm down. Dude was probably in a rush. He just types like he talks. I’m sure he’s better in person.

Is she blind? Dude obviously needs to revert back to person on person contact because typing his thoughts isn’t exactly his forte.

All I heard between her excuses was *womp womp womp* the dude fucks as fast and sloppy as he types. He eats pussy like he types, which means he’ll probably gnaw my clit off or worse be unable to find it.

So no more miaflman1, and as I always tell people to do when their existence is a complete census waste, “Kill Yourself”.