Cross My Mind

I was riding in the car yesterday with a friend. We were discussing men, which means we were discussing sex or lack thereof and suddenly my ears were flooded with the sounds of Trey Songz. It was “The Last Time”. All I could think about was Deondre. I wanted to dial his number to say that I was thinking of him. Two months ago I would have succumb to the feeling; but in the ’09 with the resolution to “let go”, I decided to not call, to not text, to no longer entertain the thoughts of his inconsistent ass.

Oh, Deondre…

Looking over the blog entries, its almost funny how much I used to write about him. How much I wanted to be with him. How much I wanted to fuck his ass and eventually only got fucked over by him time and time again minus the orgasm.

We haven’t spoken since the day he called and cancelled our lunch date because he didn’t get the job. Isn’t it sad yet so hilarious that his bitch ass ex-girlfriend let him go because he wanted to join the military only for him to NOT get the job and return to what he does best: HUSTLING.

I provided my condolences; assured him better things were to come. He sat in silence waiting for me to reschedule as I normally would, but there was nothing. I told him good blessings and goodbye.

I let him go. Shit, maybe he let me go. Who cares, all that matters is the constant thought of him is gone. The constant throbbing between my legs for him has ceased. No more masturbating to the thought of him thrusting inside of me. No more Deondre.

And never one to front…I will admit that I do and will always probably think of him. I will always hear Trey Songz and see Deondre’s face. I will always remember visiting his “office” on the 4th floor of library. I will always remember what we used to do (and what we never did).

I will remember the consistent inconsistent relationship we had. But more importantly, I will always remember that Deondre was never good for me, and I was never good for him.