Such a Supportive Friend

My friend convinced me to join this online dating website, lol!

I know! It’s soooo not me, but she wanted support so I decided to join for a week.

I never reached out to anyone, just sat back with a cute headshot and enjoyed the entertainment.

For some reason, folk are even more free online than in person. Like, I would assume a man would approach me online as he would in person.

Hi…my name is…I like your profile…would like to chat, talk, get to know you better…how you doing…cute picture…whatcha do for fun…

You know, the normal introductions. But no, these fools send messages like:

Hey ma…beautiful…sexy…you’re the finest thing I’ve seen on here…wanna take you out….come to your house….come inside….cum inside…just want to have sex…friends with benefits…hope you got a car because I don’t…I have three kids, hope you babysit…btw, I like to eat pussy.

I guess people become more aggressive online because you have to get in fast and make a lasting impression since the “in person” factor is gone. But dude, would you tell me on the first encounter that you eat pussy and want to cum inside of me?

Uh…I hope not!

I put in my profile that I’m busy, rarely date and attributed my lack of a social life to being in law school. Did this deter anyone…hell naw!

Folk talking ‘bout…I know you busy….stressed…I can massage you, make you feel better….baby you can be my lawyer after I assault that pussy…and afterward, I’ll help you study.

Ok, first of all…please respect what I do. Respect my plight, respect my aspirations. This shit ain’t no damn legal studies class you took as an elective in undergrad!

I never sleep. My entire grade in a class is based on one fucking final! I had to take a hard ass test to be hazed for three years and after that I'm bestowed with the expensive privilege of taking ANOTHER hard ass test that will determine my entire future and make my hazing process worth anything.

And nigga….stop using legal terms with me: “assault my pussy”…uh, is that slang for rape? I don’t get it!

Massage me, help me study. Negro, please! I’m too stressed to enjoy a massage and hello! you went to school and majored in general studies…nigga you can’t help me study!

But amongst the numerous wack ass men online, this one guy actually came quite correct.

His subject line was: good impression, and he did just that. We exchanged emails, pictures, and he finally got my digits.

He seems cool and we’re setting up an encounter during Super Bowl weekend. He’s witty and intelligent and hasn’t offered to massage my worries away.

And if he does, I’ll scream…but meet him nonetheless, because as long as he doesn’t offer his time to help me study or assure me that sex with him involves an imminent apprehension of harm to my pussy, I’ll be alright.