The Freaks Come Out At Night

Last night my eyes were open to the clear fact that my friend is a man.

He’s always been a man, but for the past 3 years I’ve only been able to see him as a friend, a mentor, the person I can run to with all my fears and not worry that he’ll take advantage of my thoughts and try to fuck me over (or fuck me for that matter).

He is a wonderful person.  A wonderful friend.

But the problem is, men hate being placed in the friend category because it removes the idea of sex.

So I placed him in the friend category because, well, he’s a friend.  But I slipped up and one day noticed that he was a man.  An attractive man.  I made the mistake of caring while also wondering what sitting on his face would be like.

I opened Pandora’s box and told him how I feel.  I put my pussy out there, not realizing that when pussy is involved he is a MAN.

A man who wants sex, and only sex.  A man who can easily separate the emotions attached to friendship from the expected orgasm(s) attached to sex.

The problem is, I cannot separate the fact that he is my friend.  I have love for him.  I respect him.  I admire him.  

So how can I turn all of this off and fuck him?  How can a friendly conversation at 10pm turn into a revelation of sexual fantasies and invitations to materialize such thoughts?

He told me that I talk a lot of shit but can't back it up.  Since I can’t back my ass up on his dick and become open to the idea that us and sex is just sex makes everything I’ve written, everything I say a lie.

But it’s not that simple.  I fuck men who are not worth anything to me but an orgasm.  They serve only three purposes: to eat, fuck and leave.  Once their task is complete they are disposable until I need them again. 

They are dicks, balls, and tongues.  I do not respect them.  I respect the power of their thrust. 

I do not admire them.  I admire the skill they posses in their tongue. 

But my friend, this man, is amazing.  And even if he is amazing in bed I can’t allow myself to detach how I feel just to satisfy the new tingle in my clit. 

Maybe I can’t separate my adoration for him from the simple concept that sex is nothing but a physical connection.  But I’m okay with that, because if I had his mindset he’d become another victim.  He’d become a man I fuck and not a friend I love.

So today I choose friendship over fuckship.  I choose to have feelings rather than feel nothing but a thick dick thrusting inside of me.  And hopefully when I see him today things will remain the same and the man, the freak, that emerged last night will still also be my friend.