That last entry was a little preachy, but its the truth. Well its my truth. So since I advised y'all how to remain true to yourselves and not to settle, I suppose taking my own advice would help.
Being a woman of my word, I called Deondre last night and told him we needed to talk about something ubberly important.
I told him that I can't, won't, refuse, to settle for 20. That I want the whole thing. I want him.
I made sure it was known that I'm not asking for a relationship tomorrow or within the upcoming months, but that my clit is not the only thing I have to offer.
I revoked my offer of unattached sex. Being an attorney he replied that in the real world he'd sue me for breach considering he had accepted my pussy months ago.
I breached our agreement, amended the terms and conditions to include emotions and a possible monogamous relationship.
His silence scared the shit out of me. I knew he was about to laugh and reject my counteroffer and tell me anything more than sex was unacceptable.
Instead, he replied that he was proud I was finally being real with him that. That the offer of unattached sex was never truly accepted because he never believed I could have just a strictly physical relationship with him. That he could never grasp the idea of just fucking me.
He always knew I'd want more. Was happy I wanted more because he too wanted more.
I was shocked that I couldn't even shock him with the truth that I wanted more than sex. He explained that my first offer made no sense considering I have a vagina.
"Women can rarely fuck and buck, just face it. If you could do what we do, mankind would cease to exist."
He told me that this was what he expected to happen after sex, but glad it came before he erupted on my Versace glasses.
That he was a logical person and always thought with his brain. That he had little to no emotion, which allowed him to analyze things as a reasonable prudent person.
Apparently, the Grinch that stole Christmas has nothing on Deondre's cold interior. He has trust issues (like who doesn't) and this makes it hard for him to involve his heart in anything because he doesn't want to get hurt.
Deondre is a fucking machine and nothing phases him. And when it does he freaks and it resonates through the lives of everyone within a 100 mile radius.
I told him he has too many issues to be 31. That being with him would be too much of a challenge. But as always, he repeated, "If I want to be there in his life, it's my choice." He's not going to run away from me, but my revelation is also not going to make him jump in my bed or my arms.
He likes what we have. To me we have nothing.
To him we're progressing. To me we ain't moving nowhere.
Deondre wants me to be and remain patient. I want him to explain what the hell I'm being patient for.
He claims he's not trying anymore, he's just gonna do it.
But this isn't Nike and even though life is full of games, this shit is real and if I'm not drafted as his #1 soon, I'm out.
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3 comments:
Fran,
I find it entertaining that Deondre has asked you to be patient, after vocalizing your recent revelation. I too was asked to be patient...10 months ago!!!! On Thursday, I stayed after class to attend bible study (I promise I won't get too biblical) and the discussion was "What do you do in the meantime?" In other words, what are we single women supposed to do while we cross paths w/these single men, prior to finding our spouse. Long story short, we came across PATIENCE. A member of the group stated, "When he asks you to be patient, you agree, because you anticipate that in the end, your emotions and time invested will pay off. So you begin to ask God for patience." Well, ask you shall receive. Deondre (and others) are teaching us how to be patient in the meantime; however, Deondre (and others) are acting as trial and tribulations. So yes, because we tell ourselves to stay patient and hang in there, we continue to hold on to something that we knew would not transpire into something the minute they asked us to wait....It's just like you stated in the last entry, if we know we want $100, and he is only willing to offer $20, why do we expect him to pay the $80...eventually?
As of 6pm Thursday, when bible study was over, I ceased asking for patience. Now I'm asking for wisdom. Wisdom that I identify bitchassness when I see it (lol). Wisdom that I continue to look with expectancy for whomever is out there for me. Wisdom that I do not get discouraged and continue to stay confident in doing me for me.
Look at it like this: we shouldn't have to be patient for the man that is willing to give us, not just WHATEVER WE WANT...but WHATEVER WE LIKE!!!!
a law suit over pussy dang
ps i blog rolled u
Charlize I agree with everything you said. Being patient is a good thing to practice, but this shit, waiting for a man who may never be mine (ours) is complete BS. I hope you can recognize the bitchassness before its too late. Everything is a lesson, just have to learn from them and not make the same mistakes.
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