No Longer Jaded

Aside from wanting to assist Deondre with suicide, I still want to fuck him.

Not today or next week, but I'm still horny and in need of some good dick.

He called me late last night.

Wanted to do an early dinner today. I told him that would be cool, but doubted it would actually happen.

He asked was sushi ok. No. I need sharp knives (preferably steak knives) not wooden chop sticks.

And saki won't leave his crotch scorched with second degree burns.

He asked could he "cum thru". He wanted to give me something that he purchased after the ceremony. I told him I already had company on the way.

"Oh," he replied. I wasn't expecting company but he ain't need to know that.

Remain unavailable when he is available Ronda always preaches.

He took an entire commercial to gather his next bullshit line.

Before he could apologize again or tell me how beautiful I looked earlier, I asked him why he called.

He wanted to explain what happened last Monday.

That he was selfish and wanted his cake, pie, and cupcakes all at the same time.

That he noticed a semester ago I was losing interest and began pulling away from him.

That this bothered him and he couldn't lose me so he chose to perpetuate the idea we could be good together. That he'd hit my G-spot. Fuck me on the wall. Fulfill every fantasy I told him and even those I couldn't verbalize.

That by kissing me and planting the seed of unattached, good sex in my mind was only a ploy to ensure that'd I'd stick around.

That my ex wasn't worthy of me, and he was scared that I'd fall in love and forget him.

That he knew after rubbing my clit with his fingers in my office one day while managing to press ignore on all his girlfriend's phone calls, that being with me and her was impossible.

That he was stuck with a safe woman who would never leave, all the time while longing to be with a risk who could love him if she'd only let her guard down.

That he couldn't risk losing my trust by cheating on her. Trust he needed to make a relationship with me one day develop.

That he was sorry. Couldn't apologize enough.

Was 31, selfish, and aware that he had hurt me numerous times and may continue to do so in the future.

But that I was always the true ride or die chick in his life, not her. I had stood by him when everyone had disappeared. That on the most important day in his life, I was the only person there. Not his momma, not his kid brother, not that red bitch who asked him for 3 carats...ME.

And that he knew I wouldn't always be there to hold him down. That I'd wake up and realize he was a con-artist, a fake, a lie.

I listened and took everything in. I wanted to believe every word. I wanted to ask him to make a u-turn and come over.

But I couldn't.

And the sad part is only he'll know the truth, because I've been down this road before with him and in the process of our journey together I no longer believe.